My boyfriend has a crush on someone else

In this life, only two things are certain.

I have been with my partner for a couple of years now, and he has several high school friends who visited from out of state recently who I got to finally meet. His best friend has a sister who lives in our area, who met up with us as well for lunch and came with his whole crew and us to the bar afterwards. I was sitting between him and her at lunch, and the vibe got really flirty between them. He got sort of giggly and lit up while talking to her, asking her questions about her life, just seeming way too interested. On the way to the bar he and I rode together. I tried to ask him about it and he insisted he had not flirted with her and we got in a pretty big fight on the way to the bar.

My boyfriend has a crush on someone else

Most of us go through it and never tell a soul. We might joke about our fascination with a friend or go a little out of our way to feel confident when our target is near — brushing on mascara though we typically go bare-lashed, opting for a push-up instead of a boob-squashing bralette. Crushes are powerful things — just ask every teenager ever — and when we experience that power, we have a couple of options. Phillips, author of the thorough, daring, and fascinating book Unrequited: Women and Romantic Obsession , has to say on the matter. Phillips offers an example: Say you had an erratic, unpredictable father, so you marry someone hyper-stable and together. If you start crushing on this guy, it might be because you have unfinished business with your father. Your intellect may know better, but the psyche wants what it wants. The task, says Phillips, is self-reflection. If so, what might that tell you about what you really value and want in life? The bottom line, Phillips says, is that crushers need to go easy on themselves. Crew clerk gets your heart all aflutter, try your best to listen. Pregnancy tips Pregnancy loss Baby names Delivery Postpartum. Amplifying Our Voices food home shopping.

It may have more to do with you and your family or relationship history than it does with the person.

What is within your control is how you handle the crush. Do you obsess over it, or do you just acknowledge it and then carry on with your life? Note that in this piece, we are focusing on couples in monogamous, exclusive relationships. In open or polyamorous arrangements , the rules may differ; acting on crushes may be permissible or even encouraged. It may have more to do with you and your family or relationship history than it does with the person. A crush that starts innocently enough might begin to cross the line into emotional affair territory if left unchecked. One telltale sign: When you get news, good or bad, is your first instinct to tell your crush or your partner?

Most of us go through it and never tell a soul. We might joke about our fascination with a friend or go a little out of our way to feel confident when our target is near — brushing on mascara though we typically go bare-lashed, opting for a push-up instead of a boob-squashing bralette. Crushes are powerful things — just ask every teenager ever — and when we experience that power, we have a couple of options. Phillips, author of the thorough, daring, and fascinating book Unrequited: Women and Romantic Obsession , has to say on the matter. Phillips offers an example: Say you had an erratic, unpredictable father, so you marry someone hyper-stable and together. If you start crushing on this guy, it might be because you have unfinished business with your father. Your intellect may know better, but the psyche wants what it wants. The task, says Phillips, is self-reflection. If so, what might that tell you about what you really value and want in life? The bottom line, Phillips says, is that crushers need to go easy on themselves.

My boyfriend has a crush on someone else

And you find yourself in a dilemma, being in a committed relationship only to come across someone with whom you feel an initial attraction. You thought it was just an innocent crush and a physical attraction, until you started to develop feelings for the other person. Each of these three stages will be much easier for you with the help of a relationship expert. Having someone completely neutral to talk to and getting specific feedback and advice for your situation is going to be better than going it alone. Check out the online service from Relationship Hero. You can chat to someone from the comfort of your own home or somewhere else if you live with your partner to get empathetic, specific, and genuinely insightful advice — all at a time to suit you. So, you know that this person has got you feeling something. Maybe your relationship is going really well.

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I was sitting between him and her at lunch, and the vibe got really flirty between them. While your boyfriend sounds like he can be romantic, he is also closed off and defensive. Our journalists will continue to cover the twists and turns during this historic presidential election. News U. Go to Homepage. We might joke about our fascination with a friend or go a little out of our way to feel confident when our target is near — brushing on mascara though we typically go bare-lashed, opting for a push-up instead of a boob-squashing bralette. Back in college I had the worst, most agonizing crush on a total idiot. Or texting someone more often than you used to. One thing does not just lead to another. HuffPost Personal. Whether you come to HuffPost for updates on the presidential race, hard-hitting investigations into critical issues facing our country today, or trending stories that make you laugh, we appreciate you. For coaching with Dr. This is only my opinion, based on my background, training, and experience as a therapist and person.

Passionate relationship writer, Kaida Hollister, renowned for insightful and engaging writing on love, human connection, psychology, and personal growth. Did you know that a significant number of people in committed relationships experience having a crush on someone else? This statistic may come as a surprise, but it highlights a common and often unspoken aspect of romantic life: when you have a crush on someone outside your committed relationship.

For starters, do not reveal this to your crush, Hardie-Williams said. While your boyfriend sounds like he can be romantic, he is also closed off and defensive. Your email address will not be published. He is very sweet to me most of the time until he feels accused of something such as in this situation. I was sitting between him and her at lunch, and the vibe got really flirty between them. So is staying later at work than you usually do. The point of the crush is to enjoy it while it lasts. Email Address. I wanted to be more of a part of his life by now. If this woman, who is single and flirted with him in front of his girlfriend, decided to text him late night or outright kissed him one night, would he reject her? Would you consider becoming a regular HuffPost contributor? We are sincerely grateful for readers like you who help us ensure that we can keep our journalism free for everyone. The bottom line, Phillips says, is that crushers need to go easy on themselves. The truth is, news costs money to produce, and we are proud that we have never put our stories behind an expensive paywall.